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Annual Review Fail

January 7, 2013

We all want to be better people. To be becoming on purpose, to be contributing to the world, or to just be happier at home. The first week of the year is the time to review toward this purpose because… Because…

Well??

This week I realized I don’t know exactly why January 1st is the necessary time to set goals. Even annual goals. Is it because of the shiny new number on the calendar? Because the rest of the U.S. is doing it? Because the virtualsos on the internet are doing it?

I whole-heartedly believe in doing regular personal (and business) reviews. They take as many shapes as there are people; but whether a simple reflection on what’s working and what’s not, or a very detailed workbook of prompts to ponder, reviewing helps us go places on purpose.

I started the New Year excited about sitting down to contemplate this past year and codify the new one, but I couldn’t seem to get started. Reflections and possibilities roamed freely in my brain, but I was paralyzed from formally addressing them. To figure out what was going on, I tried a trick I (finally) learned last year: just start moving and the problem usually becomes apparent. And bingo. The allusive showed herself. Here’s where I went wrong.

I Tried To Tackle Too Much at One Time

Having not kept up with regular reviews, trying to catch-up AND newly contemplate all at once was just too much. Since I hadn’t thought specifically about each area recently, I probably need a few hours to thoughtfully engage each of the things I wanted to review, not a few hours for all of them combined. It was just too much.

The good news? Breaking it up really takes the pressure off. A little bit at a time is much more manageable than eating the whole elephant at once. It also allows for greater focus on the solitary topic at hand.

I Felt Shackled by Someone Else’s Time-frame

You know what? New Year’s is not the optimal time for me to review this year. While most people are getting back to work after the holidays, I’m about to leave on holiday. Which means that even if I DID complete an Annual Review, I wouldn’t be able to act on most new resolutions/aims for another month or so. Which means I’d spend the first month failing. Not a good thing for me, friends.

The good news? There’s no indisputable law that January 1st is the time for reviews. If February – or August for that matter – is the time when I have more brain space available, or the time that suits me better for whatever reason, then that’s a good time for setting long-term aims and goals.

It kind of left me wondering if I shouldn’t abandon the January thing in lieu of other long-term goal setting altogether; but I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet.

All Together Now

When it comes to larger-scale reviews and goal-setting, it’s much more important that a rested, capable you shows up than when exactly it takes place.

So if the first week of January isn’t the best time, let it go. Instead, take a few minutes to consider when would be a good time, tell a friend that you want to do it then and mark your calendar so you don’t forget.

I’ll be doing the same.

…how about you?…

Did you do any special reflecting for the new year? Do you do any sort of regular reviewing? Do you want to?

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Welcome to the New Year!

January 1, 2013

I couldn’t be happier to see a New Year. 2012 wasn’t abysmal by any measure, but it held many challenges, and I’m calmly enthusiastic at the formal opportunity to begin again.

While many people set their goals for the year right off the bat, I usually spend the first several weeks settling into my thoughts and aims for the upcoming year. My reflective thoughts tend to be like those rubber bounce-balls; when first sent into motion they go absolutely bananas, but they finally settle when they’ve had enough time to burn off their inherent energy, leaving me with the core of what was really in there.

For many years I swore off any sort of goals or resolutions altogether, considering them for stodgy sorts who weren’t as open to the unexpected as I want to be. But I’ve since come to terms with the reality that setting a direction will result in more of what I desire out of life. And rather than feeling staunchly bound to that, I use it as a tool and accept the freedom to recalibrate whenever necessary.

I’ll be sharing more about this in the weeks to come, and would love for you to join me and share along.

I’ve been busy this past week, a situation which won’t abate in the next one, so I’m just letting the following prompts knock around in my head until I formally sit down and think about them (which the Dude and I have scheduled for late January):

  • What went well last year? What did I love and enjoy most?
  • What wasn’t just right? What circumstances or other life-characteristics do I not want to continue in for the rest of my life?

For now I’m not asking any follow-up questions (like what to do about it), but rather am just letting myself feel joyful about joys and curious about things I’m seeing could use some adjusting. I find that by soaking in just this part for a while, I’m better motivated toward my future aims when I finally solidify them.

…what about you?…

Do you make “resolutions” or set goals right out of the gate or do you wait a while?

Want to follow along with setting aims in the new year? Get blog updates by email or RSS, or get the Fortnightly Digest.

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Living at Peace With the Unexpected

October 15, 2012

October has been full of surprises around our house. And I’m discovering that while I might roll with the punches pretty well these days, I haven’t yet learned to live peacefully with the unexpected. As in, accepting that when life goes a little ape, certain things just don’t get done.

The laundry and dishes pile up, I order take-out more than usual, which means my budget takes a hit, which creates more problems I can’t really deal with at the moment. Then there is the underlying strain of the regular routine being interrupted, and if there happen to be any big unknowns lingering, well, I’m heading to bed right after finishing my phad thai.

About two weeks ago I had two surprise job interviews on the same day, and when I say “surprise”, I mean that I didn’t know I was showing up for an interview. I have a degree in Human Resource management and Organizational Behavior; being in an interview unprepared is an extremely stressful experience.

I’m still waiting to hear back about the job I’m holding out for, and there have been glitches with my writing flow and posting around here. I had wanted to write about finances this month, but as I got brainstorming and thinking and reading, I couldn’t actually get started. The truth is, finance makes sense to me. So understanding the confusion and hangups takes a bit of work. And the more I read and thought and false-started, the more I felt like I couldn’t stick my toe in the water without full-on jumping in the pool. The other day I finally had to accept that I just can’t post about finance this month. It needs a lot more thought, a lot more structure, and a lot more posts than I had in mind to tackle.

Thankfully, my dude is always reminding me that I am the only one who cares about such things. But when I don’t follow through on something I’ve said I’m going to do, I still feel like a bit of a failure. And as this has happened innumerable times in my life, I really hate revving up the old failure monster.

But some months (or weeks, or seasons) require letting go of expectations, be they real or perceived or imagined. Sometimes just doing my best to not drown in the rapids until the river reaches a calmer stretch where I can find the bottom and pull myself to shore is about the best I can manage. And once I do find my footing again, it takes me a while to reorient myself, to dry off, and to catch my breath. And, oh yeah, to eat something. Like potstickers.

I’m still learning this. I’ve been through enough seasons of the unexpected to know that it’s a part of life. It’s happening now and it will happen again. It might happen again next month. But even though I know all of this in my head, I haven’t peacefully accepted it in that deep internal way. In that way that lets me be okay with being a little dizzy and needing to sit and rest for a bit.

The good news for Project Grownup is that I’m in the middle of learning a lot about adult-world things I’m facing for the first time. No doubt I’ll be asking for your expertise and the Facebook Page in the days to come. (Please help a sister out as you’re able.)

Until then, can someone please pass the spring rolls?

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Hi! I'm amber. And these are conversations on life, humanity, and other curiosities borne of my wandering mind and everyday life.
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